She cries, this is more than goodbye. When I look into your eyes, you’re not even there. It’s just a feeling.

Hi hey hello,

So last night we had Bible Study at Wakulla as always, but that is not what I want to talk about. This is going to sound a mite bit silly, but I was in a weird Taylor Swift mood last night. No, I am not going through a break up. No, I am not in love with some boy. No, I am not mad at a boy. I know, weird. Anyway, I was in one of those moods and I listened to her song, Fifteen. For those that haven’t heard the song, the basic premise is that when your fifteen everything seems huge. It’s all new and different, but in that it’s important to keep your head. One line that made me think was the line that goes,

When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

It made me think, if I could go back to when I was fifteen, what would I tell myself? What little tid bits of wisdom would I tell my fifteen year old self? One of the most prominent things that comes to mind is to not get so caught up with that boy. Me and everyone around us was convinced that we were going to end up together, our youth pastors predicted it… It never happened. That is a major thing I would want to tell me at fifteen. He is not who you end up with, stop being so concerned with him, he isn’t the type of person you will want to be with.

I would also want to tell fifteen year old me to focus on God and His plan and not on my plan. In my mind, at 18, I would be in a steady relationship, following in the footsteps of my mother, married at 19 and together 20 years later. That was my mental image when I was 15 of 18 year old me. I also pictured myself as a doctor (or was it a lawyer at this point), and now I am on my way to becoming a teacher. I never imagined that I would have the opportunity to be working with such a great youth group out at Wakulla. God’s plan is so much greater than mine. He knew that I would be where I am now, back when I was fifteen, He knew that this would be so much better for me than being with that guy, as a doctor, married a mere 4 years later. My view is so drastically different from what it was when I was fifteen.

I’ve done things fifteen year old me could NEVER imagine. I work with a youth group, I’m succeeding in college, I’ve given a presentation in front of tons of people, I’ve overcome so much, I’ve been on a mission trip, I graduated fifth in my class, my friends have changed so much, my world has gotten so much bigger. I love where I am now, and I am so thankful that God did not listen to me when I prayed all those times for things to work out.

What would you tell fifteen year old you?

Title Lyrics: Just A Feeling – Maroon 5 


PS. Yes, I did just spiritualize a Taylor Swift song.


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